Why do we stay in an unhappy relationship – Melissa Ferrari

Why do we stay in unhappy relationships?

It is something that most of us have experienced ourselves or stood by and witnessed our close friends or family members suffer through and that is staying within a relationship that is filled with more drama than romance.

So why are we so reluctant at times to end a relationship that has run its course?

New research suggests that the cause of our reason to remain is actually due to how much we perceive our partner needs the relationship to continue. Psychotherapist and relationship counsellor Melissa Ferrari can explore how that new research is very interesting and is in line with what she has seen as a relationship counsellor, that people’s concern for their partner can outweigh the concern for themselves.

That whilst the previous notions of people remaining in a relationship out of a fear of being lonely, or due to their emotional investment they have committed to a relationship, may play a role in some decisions to remain, for many the primary driver to remain, despite the relationship failing, is that they still care for their partner that holds them together.
Remaining for such a reason can actually cause more harm than good and Melissa will explore how you can exit the relationship, with care, limiting the damage as much as possible to yourself and your partner.

• Be clear in your decision to end the relationship and make sure you are not departing prematurely
• If you are unsure seek help together through therapy as it will help the both of you to determine to end or stay together
• Have trust that if you do leave your partner they will be able to take care of themselves, choosing to stay may in fact cause greater harm
• Be honest with your partner as to the reason behind the breakup, limit their grief so they are not left wondering why you left
• Break up’s are emotional, so be careful of the language you use and make it your goal to do the other person as little emotional harm as possible

Listen to the podcast here.

Melissa Ferrari is a Sydney registered psychotherapist and counsellor with more than 20 years of experience in couples counselling and individual therapy. She is one of Australia’s most sought-after therapists and is regularly called upon as a relationship expert in national media.
click here to visit her on the web


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